Rant: a little bit about where I am in my religious journey.

I’m currently stuck in a superposition between Christianity, Judaism, and a completely secular view of the world. I got into religion in order to answer some questions I’ve had about relationships. I eventually found the secular psychological / therapeutic approach wanting. They make it too easy to break up a family.

The Hasidic Jews have the strongest families afaict. However, some of this could be that they’re insular. But as I’ve dug deeper, I think much of modern Jewish thinking is more believable than most of Christian thinking. Or maybe it’s just new to me and eventually the novelty of the kippahs and jokes will wear off. I don’t know, but I suspect not.

One of the most appealing parts of Judaism is their willingness to entertain new ideas. Christians, however, want truth now. They’re not willing to relax their mental constraints consider multiple possibilities, or to keep a number of them in play at once. They tend to take such an approach as unserious. But if you don’t know something, you shouldn’t pretend to know. Better to keep it open. You can still take an educated guess and make a bet that one answer is true.

I want to remain Christian partially out of continuity with my family, and partially because it seems easier. It’s easy because it’s salvation by faith alone. And you get a community. Judaism is tricky. Will they accept me? Should they accept me? I’m not sure. And I’ll be coming in with enough Christian baggage that they might not be huge fans.

But if someone asked me if I believe that Jesus died for my sins and rose again, I can’t say yes in good conscience. That Jesus died is believable enough. The resurrection is harder to believe. But if you believe in the resurrection, I’m not going to try to convince you out of it.

I don’t have an opinion on the trinity. Whether it’s true or not doesn’t matter to me. The Bible doesn’t linger on this topic, and I don’t wish to either.

I also take seriously what Christ taught and I’ve tried to follow his example. But I’ve been a little frustrated. I’ve found myself at odds with most Christians. For example, Jesus is against oaths. He also believes that if your leg causes you to sin, you should cut it off. I want to take that literally. I also want to disconnect religious marriage from legal marriage. For most Christians, the two are one and the same, and so they sometimes fight against gay marriage on ultimately religious grounds. I have many more complaints, but those are just a few. I find few Christians digging into Christianity in the same way that I do. Some get into end times prophesies. Others are focused on Creationism or doctrines like the trinity, or prophesy. Some want to debate questions of free will, who the elect are, the roles of men and women in the family, or the relationship between works and faith when it comes to salvation and your assurance of it.

But I’m concerned with knowing what to do with my family. The questions I have are simultaneously deeply philosophical and down to earth and mundane. For example, what does Biblical marriage really entail? Some passages in New Testament suggest that having sex with someone means you’re married. But what is sex?

It’s possible that by the New Testament definition, sex with a condom doesn’t count. But what if she’s on the pill? What if you thought she was on the pill? You see where I’m going with this. Modern birth control methods have made these questions far more relevant than they once were. It’s possible that sexual relations that do not include sex are a sin, but they do not make you married in the Biblical sense.

What should Biblical divorce look like? What are some conditions that look like they would justify divorce and what are some that wouldn’t? For example, I know a woman who divorced, but feels that it was a mistake and it would be better not to have done that. Both of them eventually moved on.

And I’m constantly worried that I’ll be rejected from any group. At the same time, even if I am included, I’m afraid that my questions won’t get resolved. So I’ll have people who support me, but their support might not actually help. The religious group might have fixed beliefs that might be wrong. For example, I’m not a Jehovah’s Witness or a 7th Day Adventist. Suppose I join one of them for the community. I’ll still feel lonely. It might be even worse than that. Suppose I start asking questions about the book of Revelation. Suppose I decide I don’t believe that book. What then? This would be too far for any Adventist. If I choose a mainstream religion, I might fare better. The top religion may not fear heresy because they’re too comfortable in their position. But a smaller niche group would be. The difficulty with moving toward truth is you’ll find yourself narrowing. In any case I have a terrible mental model of what others might find blasphemous. I know that I tend to skirt the line, and that it’s also where I’m drawn.

Besides just providing answers to my relationships, I also want to make sure I’m not solving one problem at the expense of creating another one. And if I’m to place the Bible at the center of my metaphysics, then I want to do it right. Science and religion often find themselves at odds with one another.

If I’m going to believe something, I want it to have some degree of longevity. Christianity and Judaism are great choices in some sense, but I know Christianity is on the decline, and in its current forms, I’m not a huge fan. I don’t expect my kids to stick with Christianity either.

One of the most challenging things about religion is all the unjustified claims you’re bombarded with. I’m ok with speculation, but I also don’t want a religion that stacks speculation on top of speculation.