Our polarizing politics is just like a toxic romance
In American politics you have Democrats and Republicans. They have different ideas for the country and yet they have to live with each another. When my ex and I broke up, I got into politics. I somehow felt that understanding one would help me understand the other. To me, the two felt the same even though I couldn’t quite explain it.
Me and my ex had a baby to take care of and I didn’t know what to do. We couldn’t agree on basic things. Focusing on doing what’s right for our baby was good in theory. In practice, nothing I did got me closer to this goal. I’m realizing that this was the first time I had to think deeply about loyalty beyond any kind of verbalized commitment. We weren’t married, but we still had to coordinate.
Even with my parents, when I was younger, I trusted my dad’s judgment even past the point when I became a teenager. I only stopped trusting his judgement after I started making my own money and living on my own. I don’t recall having a situation where the question of loyalty really entered the picture. I lived in the US because it was the best country. I left Christianity because atheism was more rational. I worked in companies where we both agreed to work with one another. I had romantic relationships on the agreement that either of us could leave at any time. My parents worked so that I didn’t have to take care of them when they grew old. My sister went to school so that she could make her own money. When I rented, I disliked having to commit to a year. I didn’t have anyone sick or ill in my immediate family. I had some relatives who couldn’t work, but the government took care of them. Until I had a daughter, I didn’t have a situation where I wanted to get up and leave, but couldn’t.
In politics, you vote for what you want because it’s not like you can pack your bags and go to a different country that offers a better system. You use your voice. I tried this in my relationship with my ex and it didn’t work. I felt bitter. But I wanted the best for my daughter and I could explain exactly why doing things my way would be better. In response, I was stone-walled by her. My family and friends were of little help too. I have good reasons to not want to be with my ex. She didn’t provide anything that I wanted from her long-term.
There’s a question of how loyal you should be to people who don’t reciprocate. By taking on more responsibility, I found that I created time for her to look for alternative romantic partners. My effort had a hard cap. I couldn’t compensate for everything I thought mom should be doing and working harder didn’t help. It could be that I was looking at the relationship in the same transactional terms as everything else in my life. Loyalty? Commitment? These concepts didn’t mean much to me. I hadn’t spent much time thinking about them. I did think about responsibility, duty, and fairness. If you were a poor performer in a company, I felt the best thing for you would be to get fired so that you could find a job where you could excel at.
Both staying and leaving came with strings attached that couldn’t be cut.
I didn’t want to pay a lawyer to fight her. I would rather that money go to her and my daughter. I was also confident that she’d lie about me. I saw hints of it already bubbling up. In many ways she was at a disadvantage, and it would make sense for her to resort to underhanded tactics. I eventually felt demotivated to work because spending time with my daughter was the most rewarding thing I could pursue. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I couldn’t make mom take on the domestic responsibilities. And I also knew that me staying home wouldn’t work out economically in the long-term.
I felt that if my relationship could work, then so could American politics, and vice versa. The right complains about the frivolous spending of the left. The left is frustrated by how little conservatives care about climate, the poor, etc. And then you have hot button issues like abortion, gun control, etc. Ultimately, we have to live with each other, but neither side wants to concede. People now talk of national divorce. I dunno what this means for my situation, but it doesn’t look good.