You can’t write because something is wrong. So what is it?

Sometimes you’re talking to someone and the conversation dies. You have nothing to say to each other. The common writing advice is that you do have something to say that is worth say, but you’re just not saying it. Think about that. The advice is that no matter who’s on the other side, there’s something you can say that will be interesting to the other person.

In reality, we know we get along better with some people than others. When you’re not judged, you’re going to be willing to say more. And the thoughts will flow.

So when you’re stuck maybe it’s because you’re trying write to someone who doesn’t give a shit. You know they don’t give a shit. But you also wanna get your thoughts out. But if you do, you’ll be overbearing. At the core, you’re writing because you’re lonely. And you’re hoping that by putting a message in a bottle, someone will find that bottle.

If your friend group doesn’t share your latest obsession, you’re gonna have a hard time staying friends. Your mind will constantly wonder into your favorite topic, especially if you’re only slightly friends.

So the “obvious” advice is to find people who share your obsession, right? I’ve done this with programming and it doesn’t work. Ok, so I find someone who’s a frontend engineer who uses React and a React library called shadcnui. As I narrow down, in theory I’m getting closer to finding my “perfect friend.” We know this won’t work.

And think about how society developed. It’s not that you need people to be like you. You need people who understand you while having their own interests. If you’re a tribe of engineers, you’ll all die. But a tribe with an engineer, hunter, chef, lawyer, historian, and a body guard is more likely to work. The thing that will kill your tribe is blind spots, and inability to put thoughts into action.

So in some sense part of what you’re looking for are people with complementary skills, but have hobbies in other areas. You want those people.

When you’re writing and it doesn’t roll off the page, it’s because you don’t know who those people are. How could you know who they are? You haven’t met them yet. You don’t know who you’re writing to. You don’t know why. You’re not sure what they’re interested in. You’re getting zero feedback as you write. At least when you speak, you can see them eyeing the exit.

But with writing, this doesn’t happen. You’re sitting in front of a blank page. You’re trying to put your thoughts down and it just doesn’t happen. You’re almost literally talking to a wall. You’re like those homeless people who come up to strangers and start rambling. The telos of where you’re headed is terrifying and of course you resist.

The other part of finding your tribe is to be the kind of person others want in their tribe. And you need to also figure out what they need. There’s tons of advice out there on how to be a better writer, that you really do have thoughts that others can benefit from. But not everyone should be a writer, especially a famous one. Writing is ultimately a tool, just like speaking. If you don’t have the “gift of gab,” it’s going to be extra challenging for you to write. But when you find friends who do love your rants, then you can start putting them to paper. And, of course, once you meet these people, you actually won’t care to write anything down. By then your problem will have been solved. And when you do write, it will stick.

By then you have conquered your problem. But how many others are still stuck in the same way you just were? Nobody hears what they have to say. Nobody thinks they have something valuable or important to contribute. They’re stuck, lost, just like you were.