Trying not to lose my daughter

She texts me she’s taking our daughter to Southern California. She wants to have my daughter during the school year and for me to have her during the summers. Right now, we’re less than 15 minutes away.

I have many reasons for why this is a bad idea. But can I do something about it? Do I have a choice in the matter? I thought so—protested a little. And her next response is we should do this over mediation. Damn.

I have different ways to think about this. One thought is something Jesus said, which is to resolve problems when you’re on the way to the courthouse, or else you’re going to get financially raped and you’ll end up with nothing. But he also says that if you’re with someone (romantically) and they decide to leave, you should let them go in peace.

The other way to think about it is what’s good for the child. So if I think I’m the better parent and we have a setup that works ok, then we should try to preserve that or improve it.

Should I go on the offense? I would feel personally responsible for anything bad that happens to my daughter, even if she’s not close by. So maybe I could fight her on this and escalate until it gets to court.

Should I move to socal? This would save me the fight with my ex. I work remote, so it could be worse, but I don’t want to. Childcare will be more difficult. My daughter would have to go to a new school and make new friends, etc. Grandma from either side won’t be around to help.

The thing I fear is that if I continue to give in and not protest, I’ll continue to put myself at more and more of a disadvantage. This is the thing we forget that is hard to fathom with Christ. Until I’ve been beaten down for years, I didn’t understand just how hard it is to not fight back. You see—if I let you take one thing, it’s going to teach you that you can take more. And so you’ll keep taking until I have nothing. The story of Jesus is exactly that story where the worst fear comes true. And when I have nothing, you’re eventually going to look at me and say I deserve to lose my daughter because I’m a deadbeat anyways. And of course I’m not nearly as patient and kinda as Jesus, which doesn’t exactly make me feel any better.

I don’t know what’s going to happen or how it’ll shake out, but I’m gonna try to stay positive. The last time things went bad, I didn’t handle it well. I isolated, and got really depressed and angry. Nothing made sense. I hope to make this time different.